great expectations.

your expectations are really pissing me off.

quit disappointing yourself and just fuck it sometimes.

another boys post.

"Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked at all times." -Betsy Johnson

hehe. this quote was my status for a bit. :]

so...this brings up the topic of feminism (dundunduuuun).

one of the many pet peeves i have is when people think i'm "dressing up to impress someone." it's like i can never dress up to feel good about myself, or express myself. it's like i always have to think about what other think about me. i've recently started feeling the same about plastic surgery. if i feel that i want a smaller nose, why should any one else's opinion matter? (except the doctor's...) a lot of the time...it's not for attention, but because you feel that you have the right to your own body.

i mean...seriously, i don't go buying clothes thinking, "i wonder how many compliments i can get with this dress" or anything like that. and i honestly don't think anyone does.

like cute bras. people kept saying "why buy them if no one can see them?" well...first of all, i buy the bras i do because it's for ME. they aren't..."sexy" they're more cute and awesome (like my clothes :D) and i buy them because they make ME feel good. i don't buy them so that other people can enjoy them (although if other people do, it's no problem either =])

and also with make up. guys...really don't notice stuff like that. only other girls do. so when people think that girls put on make up to impress guys...they are DEAD wrong. when a girl has make up like THIS she is most definitely NOT doing it to impress guys but kind of to show off her skills.

guilt

it's eating me up inside.

but i still can't get it out.

it hurts my heart lots.

community

you can't help a community when you think you're above it.

in fact. you can't help a community at all. you can only give back to a community.

by thinking you're "helping" already means that you think you're above the community. you start to think that without your help the community can't thrive. without you, the community is just doomed for failure. without you, the community is worthless, it can't help itself. without you, the community is nothing.

but it's quite the opposite isn't it? no matter how or where you grow up, your community affects you, but it is up to you whether to let the community affect you negatively or positively. if it affects you negatively, you give negative energy back to the community, but if it affects you positively, shouldn't you return the favor?

which is why we should all build a community that gives positive energy, so that we can give it back. it's the golden rule "treat others as you would treat yourself" (yeah, we've been talking about the golden rule a lot, i know, but i think it deserves discussion, it IS the golden rule after all =])

if you set up an environment where nothing can grow, then it doesn't grow, it dies and decays. however, it's amazing what can become from nothing. (OMFG this just made me think of another topic, but i'll get to it another day: i shall stay focused >[)

so.

i completely lost my train of thought. wow. um. wow.

ok.

even if you come from a shitty community, if you're able to make something for yourself, it is your duty to go back to your origins and GIVE BACK to your community. because most of the time, it doesn't need your help, it just needs the extra boost to help itself.

see, i think that's the fact that some people think they're so above their origins that some communities do end up essentially dying. i don't think people realize that you aren't on your own when you "pull yourself from nothing," you're never alone even when you feel like you are. if you would just take a step back and stop looking at only yourself then maybe you will realize how much that "nothing" has really helped you, even if it is just showing you what you DON'T want to be.

you OWE it to your community for shaping who you are as a person. even though it may seem like your community has not helped you, it really has. it's nothing to be ashamed of, if you really accept yourself as a human being, then you would go back to give back.

also you are never above your community because you are never above another human being. no matter how much someone has fallen, it is not your place to hover above them, but to reach down to help them back up.

boys.

si. this is the boy post.

boys are as confusing as we think they are. you know why? because they're stupid. yeah, that's right. they is stupid. they is so stupid they confuse the hell outta us because they dun know what they want.

and that's why we get confused to. we dunno what we want. because we're stupid too.

we are all stupid.

that is why we is all confused about each other.

it isn't mixed or confusing signals. there's probably no signals at all. we just think there are because we're stupid, and we get confused because we're smart enough to realize that there's no signals but we're in too much denial to admit to it. that's what confuses us.

the grudge...or not.

i can't hold grudges...probably because i have such a short attention span =_=;;

Critique

haven't blogged in a while.

you know when teachers are always like, "constructive criticism only"? well believe that ALL criticism can be constructive, you just have to filter the criticism and find what is important in there to construct yourself. (does this even make sense?)

what i'm trying to say is, no matter what you do, there's gonna be someone that doesn't like what you are doing, and there's always going to be someone who does. but just because someone doesn't like your work doesn't make their opinion meaningless nor does someone liking your work mean that their opinion trumps all other crticisms.

basically, both criticisms are extremely bias; but that doesn't mean that they both don't hold any value.

if someone goes, "wtf, this shit sucks ass. what the hell were you thinking? this is just all wrong, you didn't put any thought into this, and you executed it all wrong" well, this may be a little harsh and very douchebaggy, but remember what i said at the beggining, FILTER. think about what this person actually did say other than "you fail at life," also reflect and think about yourself, "did i think this through? why did i do wrong in the execution of this?" some people are overly mean about some things, but it doesn't mean that they're wrong.

and the same goes for something like, "omg! this is so amazing! you're so talented! you should do more of this! this is perfect!" i personally think that it's harder to filter this kind of criticism, which is why i actually kind of hate it because 1. it feels super fake and 2. there's really no substance in it, if there's no problem, there's nothing to fix. but that's a lie. because there's always room for improvement, and this doesn't let you know what you need to work on. but, this kind of criticism is still valid because it shows you your strengths; which is something that most people are unaware of. sometimes when you get too much information, you sometimes need to be reminded of some constants in your life, like your talents or something.

i think there's two things about criticism that really get to me though, giving and recieving. you have to be able to recieve criticism well and be able to give good criticism. that means not sugar coating the hell out of it and not being a douchebag.

what pisses me off the most isn't people who GIVE bad, it's people who can't TAKE criticism. and not surprisingly, the people who can't take it well have NO idea that they can't. you know why? because they're so fucking full of themselves. they think that they're so correct and that they have everything done so perfectly that no one else matters, that the idea cannot be improved upon because it's already perfect, they only look for compliments, not criticism. and this is exactly why they piss me off, they have such a bad sense of reality that...they can't even admit it to themselves that they're wrong.

i think it's because they can't face themselves. like, they're afraid of what their going to see, they're afraid of their imperfections that are so visible to someone else's eyes. they want to be seen as perfect, or they just want to be seen. but there IS always room for improvement, so go ahead and put your all out there and show your imperfections, embrace the fact that they exist then change them.

you know what? when i'm an art teacher, i might start off my classes with this lecture, because a lot of people feel that when someone talks negatively about their art that the person is attacking them directly. and in a way, they are. art IS a way to express yourself, but there is a better way, or a more efficent way to show what you as who you are or make your statement be seen more clearly. when it all comes down to it, the technique is just as important as the statement, and if you want to be a successful artist, or even just an awesome person, you really have to be able to just put yourself out there, but love yourself enough to realize that you need to change. not only that but it gives you a chance to grow both artistically and mentally, it gives you a different perspective of yourself that you may not have noticed and although sometimes it may seem like you're being attacked directly (and in most cases, you will be because your art should reflect you) but you should open yourself to be attacked because you may not know what you are capable of.