competition

you know what sucks more than losing all the time? winning all the time.

i can't say that i win all the time, heck, i don't win ever. but, coming from someone who loses all the time, it seems like the people who win all the time are just as bored, of not more bored than those who lose all the time.

i'm not really competitive, which is probably why i lose all the time, but just because you lose doesn't mean that you still can't have fun, right? why is winning always associated with fun? and just because you lose, why does it mean that you're not good at something? it simply means that someone's better.

for example, take tetris. i effin' love that game. with so much passion, it scares me a little. for a while, i did think of it as a competition, i needed to have the highest score out of all of my family and friends. and when someone beat me, i had to win my spot back. but then...i realized that i started to get really frustrated when i played, that i was critical of every move i did and cursed myself whenever i made a wrong move.

that's no fun.

then one day, i realized that hey...why do something that causes me so much distress? so i stopped playing tetris for a while. and it was pretty sad. because remember: i love that game with so much passion it scares me a little. so, when i stopped, i suffered from some tetris withdrawal, and that was not a pretty picture, i was crabby a lot of the time, i felt like i didn't want to do anything. all the time i spent playing tetris was now focused on school...which makes me depressed.

so one day i finally decided to start playing again, just for fun. and you know what? i didn't care about making the right moves or beating my high score, i just played because it was fun. and guess what? i DID beat my high score! it was so...exciting and exhilarating that from then on i completely gave up playing tetris competitively. and it's helped me a lot, i don't stress about it anymore, and when i do play it, i'm just...happy.

so i tried applying this to everything else; sure i'm not the best of the best, heck, i'm barely average. but fuck being the best and fuck winning all the time, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose but what should stay consistent is the fun and joy you get when you do something.

and also...if you win all the time...what's the fun in that?? you're not being challenged, you're just gonna have to go out of your way to find a "worthy" challenger or just try and outdo yourself, and for what? who are you trying to impress? if you're doing this for "you" then why are you causing yourself all of this unnecessary stress? and finally, why does life have to always be a challenge?