most epic divorce letter ever?

best divorce letter ever?


i stumbled upon this fairly positive, feel-good and genuinely heartwarming site that contained stories about an 8 year old boy coping with the loss of his dog, a young girl with down syndrome achieving her dream of being a model and then...this.

i'm not even sure where to begin.

let's just begin with the fact that i think this entire thing is FAKE. yes, i am a skeptic and i believe about like 90% of the interwebs is FAKE! i usually don't care, and i usually don't look too deep into something unless i get the random drive to.

but that is besides the point in this case.
i say that because it doesn't matter if this is a real letter about a real couple from a real man to his real soon-to-be-ex-wife. what matters is the fact that this ideology behind this letter exists. people may never put it in these terms, but there are plenty of people who take break ups in this way. bitter, spiteful, and ultimately, unhealthy.

of course, being that i think this is fake, i tried to not take it literally. i took it as almost a satire and attempted to read it through that lens, whether or not i am correct, that is the perspective i choose to look through (maybe it's also because i'm a hopeless optimist)

i mean, for god's sake, he titled his own letter "best divorce letter ever"

and when you look at it through the lens of a satire, i do find that it is rather hilarious! because of the sarcastic  and matter-of-fact tone that this letter embodies. there were some parts where it grossed me out a little, but i think that just added to the shock factor, which made it even more funny.

but here's where i'm concerned....

there are people out there in the world, who are naive enough to believe this is REAL. i mean, if people are willing to read the onion as a legitimate news source, i'm pretty sure there are some people out there who believe that "dan" really wrote this to "connie"

as a matter of fact, there are even people on reddit, an internet community that i greatly respect by the way, who think this is real! and reddit is the embodiment of satirical internet humor! http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/14w45y/hands_down_best_divorce_letter_ever_tldr_inside/
quite a sad day for the interwebs....

but this goes to show! that there are people out there who not only think that this is real, but are OKAY with it and WORSHIP this kind of stuff!

this is where i have a problem. it's one of those things where, it's funny because it isn't real; but if it is, it's the most fucked up thing in the world (and yes, i'm going to hell for laughing at it)

i'm not about to tell anyone how to go about recovering from a loss of a relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it was; good, bad, healthy, toxic, even if it was a friendship or a family member, it really sucks to lose someone, especially when it is someone that you thought would be a significant and positive part of your life forever.

shit's about to get real y'all. get ready.

we all know that feeling after we have lost someone; that feeling of inadequacy, like we weren't good enough, or that we didn't try hard enough to maintain that relationship. and the part that they played in our lives is now empty, a large part of our identity as a friend, a lover, an extension of someone else is now gone, we have to completely rediscover ourselves. even the most confident and self-loving individual goes through this through losing a significant other, and if you don't, obviously, you didn't love them enough. because when you truly love someone, they become a part of your life, a major part of your life, your identity, your being. and for that to go away, suddenly or slowly, leaves you alone and confused. of course, that confusion becomes bitterness and anger and all sorts of nastiness.

but the turning point is how you rebound or recover from that point.

honestly, i am not a big fan of the whole "i'm newly single so i'm going to fuck everything that moves, drink anything that's alcoholic and party like i'm some college freshman again!"

 all i see/hear is: "my brand new self-destructive views of life are completely independent of the fact that the most important person in my life no longer needs me as a part of theirs. i'm totally not insecure and avoiding to deal with the issue of inadequacy, insecurity and vulnerability. i'm such a new, reborn person. i'm so empowered and i'm all about myself and this is all for meeee!!"

i hope yall hear the sarcasm.

trust me. i get it. when you are so low in the dumps, it really is a MASSIVE and HEALTHY ego-boost for someone to hit on you, or compliment you, or for you to just let loose and let go of all the tension in your life and just shut everything out and enjoy it for a while.

for. a. while.

when it gets to be unhealthy is when you don't progress onto the next step of recovery, and that is rebuilding your identity by yourself and believing in your love for yourself again.

and honestly, don't feel that you have to be all "ALL MY SINGLE LADIES!!" just because you had one of the most devastating break ups of your life. maybe it's more beneficial for you to go all emo-teen mode and just cry and watch romcoms all day while ingesting dangerous amounts of ice cream and cookie dough.

what i'm trying to say is: do what you gotta do. but it HAS to be a means to an end, not a means to end YOURSELF. maybe writing a fake letter and posting it on the internet is helpful, maybe blogging, maybe writing songs, do what you gotta do and then get over that part of your recovery and focus on the big picture which is the AWESOMENESS that is YOU! and don't let your emotions get the best of you either, get crazy, but really don't do anything that will make you regret it in the morning, in two weeks, in three years, ever. and DO look that far ahead, sometimes the best way to get through a situation is to see what you COULD become instead of where you are NOW. (god knows that's how i got through college...) 

The Baby Box

this is an old article, but i didn't get to read it until recently (recently as in like ten minutes ago....)

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/korean-pastor

and even though it's a short article, if no one wants to read it, i'll summarize: pastor in south korea started up a place (a baby box....like literately a box to put babies) where parents (mostly mothers) can leave their unwanted child.

and there's a lot of different opinions on the issue and such, so....i'm just going to give my opinion.

first of all, i do recognize that child abandonment is a GLOBAL ISSUE. it's not limited to third world or underdeveloped countries, infanticide is and has been a major issue in the global community. heck. read the bible, even moses's mom abandoned him!!

but on a much more serious note, the struggle is real. there are many people doing many things to resolve this issue; politicians are implementing safe haven laws, adoption agencies, orphanages, baby boxes, everyone is doing what they feel they can do to solve this problem, and no matter where you stand on this issue, i think we really need to recognize and applaud these people and all their hard work because their resources are limited, the problem at hand is huge, and they still do it everyday with a smile!

but something that struck me SEVERELY is actually the last paragraph of this damn article

"Korea is not the only place that deals with child abandonment. Globally, millions of children die from abandonment. It takes different forms from country to country. In the United States, abortion serves our abandonment purposes and they call it a “woman’s choice.” Our nation is still struggling to see that these babies are human beings, too. They deserve to live just like any other human being. With incredible men and women like Pastor Lee Jong-rak, this world is seeing how life can be for these babies when we take them in; when we become a voice for the ones that cannot speak up for themselves. They are loved, they are cherished, and they are worthy just the way they are." 

are you fucking kidding me. i was getting this heavy sense of misogyny in this article (who was written by a woman, by the motherfucking way) but this really was the last straw on the motherfucking camel's back. not only is this ENTIRE paragraph unnecessary, but i think it is because of this misogyny that we even have this issue in the first place.

yes. i am going there. i am going all militant feminazi on this bitch. 

again, i appreciate the work of all these groups and peoples who are saving these abandoned babies and finding a way to let these children live wonderful lives. that's great, but i honestly think that it is just curing a symptom of a much larger issue, and that is the hatred for women. 

i think that if we empower women to take control of their bodies, have a say in their sexuality and ability to reproduce, or not reproduce, if we do no hold a stigma on single mothers, or mothers who choose to give up their children to ANYTHING (abortion, adoption, heck, even abandonment) and if we STOP BLAMING JUST THE WOMEN. 

i'm not hating on men, it's not men who are the issue, it is all of us and we all need to take a good damn look at ourselves and be fucking honest. all of this slut shaming needs to stop because there is more than just the baby's life involved, more than just the mother, more than just the father, it is all of us. it takes a village to raise a child, and it really does. and we all need to take responsibility in this issue because in one way or another we all contribute to this issue. 

i mean think about it, people always say "if you don't want kids, don't have sex" (and on a much harsher note, a lot of people DO say "close your legs" - again, SLUT SHAMING (slut shaming = BAD)) but seriously, let's be real right now, gettin' real real here: SEX IS FUN. PEOPLE LIKE TO FUCK. FUCKING IS GREAT. how the hell is you gonna go and preach abstinence when we are programmed to fuck? are you fucking serious, it's like walking up to a dog and being surprised that it's walking on four legs, dumbass. i think it's a really unattainable, impractical and not to mention overall STUPID idea that the one and only way of birth control is abstinence. 

again. if we empower and educate women on taking birth control into their own hands WITHOUT THE STIGMA OF BEING A SLUT, we solve the problem in the first place! if a woman carries around a condom, it must be because she's always ready to do the dirty right? WRONG. better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. it's just taking control of your own body and sexuality. birth control bills, iud, all of those other things are great at preventing BABIES, but condoms also prevent some sti's so, please always wear a condom, you want to protect yourself from more than just parenthood. 

there's all of those awesome quotes "don't get love without the glove" "if you wanna tap it, you gotta wrap it" GENTLEMEN, you have ways to prevent babies too! OMG! whoaaaaaaaaaaa didn't know that did you? and don't feel any less of a man simply because you want to take control of your sexuality as well! i applaud you! (not to mention, it's very sexy to see a man who knows what he wants and doesn't want) 

i need feminism because....we need to empower both genders. yes, i was saying earlier that we need to empower WOMEN, but we also need to empower MEN. we aren't those lizards who are all women and reproduce via parthenogenesis (all women, they just like hump each other to reproduce. pretty cool, yall should google it.) but back to the point: it takes two to tango (and make a baby). so men also need to be empowered and educated in this issue, as i said earlier, it's not just about abandoned babies, mothers who abandon babies, it's about the fathers as well. 

and not to call anyone out or anything but seriously, fuck websites like this: http://www.dontfixit.org/ 

because 1. you think that your rare case of a bad vasectomy should stop other men from having the procedure as well? 2. it IS rare for men to experience pain or illnesses, there are many studies that prove how safe and effective vasectomies are and 3. i'm sorry for your pain and troubles with your specific case, but guess what, you're special. and you may think that you are helping men make medical decisions, but really, you're just adding to the fear and stigma of male birth control. 

i do agree that there needs to be more birth control options for men, why can't men take a pill everyday to lower their sperm count? i know that medically, that may be dangerous (or even impossible) but seriously, birth control is pretty much thrown onto women, but then women who choose to use birth control are viewed as sluts and whores. and men who choose to "get snipped" are considered "less" of a man (because the definition of a man is obviously correlated with his penis, not the essence of his nature or his morals.) 

what i'm trying to say is: there is a stigma for anyone, man or woman, who take control of their sexuality. i think we need to be more invested in education of sexuality instead of just talking about it and not really knowing anything about it. in a more ideal world, i think anyone can choose to control their sexuality in any way that they feel comfortable with, and not be judged for it. got a condom? good for you. practicing abstinence? good job. taking the pill? all the power to ya. got snipped? awesome. got an abortion? do what you gotta do. like, imagine! how awesome is it that nobody feels entitled to an opinion about YOUR body? nobody thinks that they have a say in how you choose to deal with your life and your body. that's ideal for me. because let's be honest, lots of women are portrayed as heartless bitches who so easily "murder" their babies or "abandon" them. 

and i hate when people say that adoption is an alternative to abortion, can you fucking just IMAGINE the emotion turmoil and trauma of giving up your child? it's not fucking easy. and it is NOT easy to have an abortion either. it's not one of those "oh, got preggers? my bad. let's get this done" decisions. women are not so heartless and quick to make these MAJOR life decisions so easily. i think a lot of people forget that part of this issue, the fact that there is a human being with a heart and emotions who also just happens to have a vagina. if you read the note that the mother left her child (in the article) it reads: 

“My baby! Mom is so sorry.
I am so sorry to make this decision. 
My son! I hope you to meet great parents, and I am very, very sorry . 
I don’t deserve to say a word. 
Sorry, sorry, and I love you my son. 
Mom loves you more than anything else. 
I leave you here because I don’t know who your father is. 
I used to think about something bad, but I guess this box is safer for you. 
That’s why I decided to leave you here. My son, Please forgive me.”

if that did not bring tears to your eyes, or at least pulled at some heartstrings, YOU are the heartless one. these are not women who are so heartless and shallow that they can so easily abandon their child. these women have been pushed into a corner with no support, who are doing what they think is all that they could do in order to deal with the cards that they have been dealt. none of us can even begin to fathom why they feel that this is the only thing they can do, so none of us can judge them. 

so when we look at the issue on hand, we need to empower mothers and fathers to save the children. 

that is all. the end. 

"i'm trying to forget you"

i've been meaning to write a blog about this for quite some time, but i've found myself thinking about this and not being able to find the words to fully explain my train of thought.

it's one of those things that are super simple and yet keep nagging at the back of your mind because of the effect it has on you. this simple phrase has stirred something within me that i think i've shoved under the rug.

i find it ironic, but also helpful, that a phrase like this brings up exactly what you need it to bring up. to everyone else, it might just be a hipster phrase (and may even bring up questions of "why is this art? how did it make it into a gallery?") but to someone who's trying to forget, or at least not remember, someone or something...it triggers something.

the universality of that "you". although it has no name, no face, no...suggestion of a person, it has the power to let us bring up our own name, face and person that we are trying to "forget". this is why i find it so ironic but incredibly helpful.

what does it mean to forget? like i said earlier, it's simply to shove it under a rug. pretend you can't see it, or feel it, or remember it; but nevertheless, it's still very much there.

i'll be honest, i thought about robert the first time i saw this. it was in the fall semester and this was in the art lofts for a master's show. it was funny because at that time i thought i had completely gotten over robert, had my own closure and was ready to move on. it's true, i did have my own closure and was ready to move on, but i was still not COMPLETELY over robert because a simple phrase like this made me miss that bastard. and i'll be honest, for the next three hours of my class, i thought and thought about him and why that birthday-party-banner even brought up some things that i thought i had gotten over.

and then it hit me.

we had this one fireside chat during a pk meeting about forgiveness. and this is one of those things where...you know what the lady is saying, you get it and it's just another really long boring lecture. but then when you actually utilize what she says, you really start to UNDERSTAND.

forgiveness and forgetting are two different things. i knew that, i've known it for a long time. still, i managed to try to forget rather than forgive. it's really true, it's hard to forgive, it's not just a simple switch that you turn on or off, it really is a process. and i truly think oppressing something is a part of that process. it's part of it because it's something that you have to accept you did. you have to accept that you did try to forget, shove it off, not let it bother you because ultimately it will hurt you. you tried to hide from it but ultimately it will find it's way into the light again.

and this is when i think i really did start to get over robert. because that was when i really started to look over everything and i realized that i forgave robert for everything but i had not taken time to forgive MYSELF. the person that i was afraid to face was not robert, i was over him but i wasn't over the relationship. a lot of people argue whether there was even a relationship or not, but you know what, it was something that affected me and whatever you want to call it, it was something that i had to get over. by denying that there wasn't anything there doesn't make anything go away, if there wasn't anything there, then why on earth are there these feelings? it's like by saying the holocaust never existed, that all those prisoners of war are gonna magically resurrect and be free of ptsd. no. denial doesn't solve anything, it just postpones when you're gonna have to deal with it.

it's amazing isn't it? that all of this thought came from a simple little phrase. it's not even dramatic like those annoying little pictures that people post on instagram (like THIS SHIT ohhh so you put on some filters and some corny quote? you're so deeeeep (i hope you hear my sarcasm))

anyway, that's a rant for another day. what i'm saying is, that this phrase isn't even trying to be deep, like i said, if it doesn't apply to you then it probably won't even affect you. and it's not in front of an extremely photoshopped picture or anything. it's a bunch of colorful birthday banner on a freaking wall. it doesn't get any more impressionable than that. and yet that phrase! it's like you suddenly forget about being in the gallery, you forget about looking at those letters on a wall and you're in this place that you have been avoiding and you're forced to confront yourself of the exact thing you're trying to forget. 

relationship connections

i think it's really interesting how involved you can get with different people you meet. sometimes you meet one person, and it's just that. you make one new friend. but a lot of times when you meet one person, like actually get to know them and make them a part of your life; chances are you are going to meet at least like 10 other people; and depending on the relationships you establish with those 10 people could lead to knowing even more people and by the time you know it, you have like 300 people as friends on facebook. that you actually know and talk to.

people are always criticizing how many of your social network friends are actually friends..but hey, they may be called "friends" but hey! why do people hold that word so highly? it's just like hope and trust. people put so much emphasis on the word that the meaning of the actual thing gets lost. if your relationship with another person could be defined by a word, then maybe your relationship isn't all that amazing.

i understand the importance of friends. i love my friends to death and will do pretty much anything for them. studies have shown that close, intimate relationships with other people result in a healthier, better quality of life. because we're social animals. so i KNOW the importance of friends; i have them.

which is exactly why when people act like someone who has like 1000 friends on their facebook or myspace is like...actually friendless or snobby or whatever; it irritates me. because i KNOW people who have like 1000 PLUS friends on facebook and guess what? they're actually just really, really social people. i mean, people add me on facebook after just being introduced to me. we don't have that much of a conversation, but hey! half an hour later, i get a friend request (and there's really no reason to not accept because...well, i DO know the person) and you know what, sometimes i actually don't add anyone until maybe even hanging out (like LEGIT hang out, not just be in the presence of the person) a couple times.

not only do some people have different definitions of friends in REAL LIFE, some people just don't care about facebook at all!! someone might be a super social butterfly (like...a socialite or something) and have way too much of a life to not even spend time on facebook (because they're too busy seeing people's faces in real life).

so...what i'm saying is that facebook doesn't reflect reality (heck, some people's perspective of reality isn't even accurate). so people need to stop putting facebook on a pedestal.

now back to my original topic of social networking (not on the world wide web. like actually networking) and i think it's interesting and really heart-touching in a sense that by just being acquainted by someone, they can really grow to be a part of your life and can lead you to meet a lot of other people who will greatly influence your life in a positive way.

so open up and let yourself know people and let people know you. :D

TOMS

those shoes are so damn ugly.

not only that, but i'm going to assume that anyone who purchases/wears them think that they're helping some poor african kid in africa get a pair of shoes. well guess what, you're not. it's just another major cooperation making money. you're not saving no kiddies in africa. you're not changing the world. you're buying some butt-ugly shoes. i hope you're happy with yourself. 

The Art of Modesty

I've always been a fan of hijabi; i remember waaaay back to 9/11 and the huge blow up about the middle east and islam in general.

 and even back in the 5th grade, women's rights have been an issue that's been discussed. i'm all for women's, human's rights in general. but i remember that one of the biggest issues revolved around hijabi culture.

 it still boggles me to this day that schools and teachers would brainwash us that hijabi is a form of oppression. i remember that even as an 11 year old; i simply just loved the fact that women even covered up. unfortunately, i didn't have any muslims in my class back then, but it must hurt like a BITCH to hear that your culture and your beliefs are "oppressive" and "wrong".

 I mean, i experienced it myself when i read an article about hmong culture and the author (who i believe was a hmong woman) ranted on and on about how the hmong culture was oppressive towards women and the lives of hmong women would only know hardship.

 OMFG

 like. really? this goes back to my one post about society and taking an active role in it. IF YOU THINK THERE'S SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG WITH YOUR SOCIETY. FUCKING CHANGE IT. quit bitching and acting like the world's against you, you have a voice too and you also have the power to change it. and you know what? FUCK that article, because to be honest, what society DOESN'T oppress women, or practice any type of oppression? even in perfect america, women are oppressed; racism exists; intolerance happens EVERY SINGLE DAY.

i fucking hate that people think that mainstream america is somehow free of hate. what i also fucking hate when people think america's like the most dysfunctional country in the world. I FUCKING LOVE BEING AMERICAN. if you really don't like it, FUCKING MOVE. you know how fucking EASY it is to LEAVE the united states? why don't you go live in north korea and try fucking leaving? bet you can't just up and move as easily as you can in america! and you know, motherfuckers that are all like "oh, there's only racism in america. it's not that big in europe" well. isn't europe just fucking perfect? with their socialism and universal healthcare and legal marijuana. well guess, fucking what? racism may not exist in some places, but that's because EVERYBODY'S THE SAME GODDAMN RACE. look at china. how many fucking black people are in china? how many fucking white people are in china?? how the fuck can they be racist, if there ain't no race to be racist against??

 DISCRIMINATION exists everywhere. oppression exists everywhere. you can't escape it; you can move to wherever the fuck you think is perfect and free of the hatred and intolerance known as human nature.

 well. that was quite the tangent. BUT! now that you know where i come from in terms of oppression; it's everywhere and you shouldn't think that your society or that you are better than people just because they live differently than you.

 now back to the topic of modesty.

 now that we've gotten the whole oppression idea out of the question. i'm going to talk about another type of oppression: self-oppression.

 i can't recall how many times i've seen women oppress themselves by embodying every idea that we have worked so damn hard to get rid of.

 just to list a few:

 -the idea of "daintiness"
                     BITCH PLEASE i can open any fucking can in this fucking place, INCLUDING a can of whoop-ass. do NOT think i'm some dainty flower because i will STOMP a bitch if i have to.

 -the "sexy" ideal
                    OMFLJ PLEASE. PLEASE let the next "sexy" person i see DIE. sexy is a good thing, it's good to have sex appeal, that's how you attract mates and that's how you reproduce and continue the human race. HOWEVER. do not do not do NOT make yourself a sex object. because do you know what that makes you? an OBJECT. you are not an object. you are a human being. do you know what an object is? it's like...a tissue. once you're done with what you need it for, you toss it. if you toss a human being, then you're a terrible human being. if you toss an object, you're just a regular human being. don't be an object. don't objectify yourself because that just justifies the asshole that tosses you. i mean people will be like "well, yeah, he only wants one thing" if you were something of substance, maybe you'll be worth keeping, ever think of that?

 -the boob shot
                       ...i don't know why bitches be getting so offended when i call them out on their boob shots. because..it's obviously to show off your boobs. and that leads back to objectifying yourself. and hey, i love boobs just as much as the next person, which is why i'm willing to fight for the dignity of boobs. boobs are awesome. don't make them less awesome by stigmatizing them as a sex object. do not objectify yourself and do not objectify your boobs. i mean, seriously, if you're gonna take a picture of your new "shirt" or "jacket" or "swim suit" then take a picture of it! if it MUST be on you, then at LEAST have your fucking head in there! you know what's better than a head? a BODY. i hate when girls take pictures from their boobs up. i mean, if your eyes aren't that engaging, where the fuck do you think my eyes are gonna go? the background? no. your boobs. because boobs are awesome. but you making them all about sex, then that makes them less awesome, because boobs are so much more than just there for titty-fucking. they feed our babies, they attract mates, they can crush cans, they cushion chest bumps. boobs are awesome, so don't make them less awesome just because you're a whore.


 okay. now that you all know my opinion on...mainly just how you carry yourself. so this ties back to the idea of modesty. because i believe that there is a lot of virtue in modesty. i'm not so extreme as to the hijabi, but i believe that it is very classic and extremely fashionable; not to mention tasteful. now i LOVE the naked body. i am an art student afterall. i love the naturalness of the figure, if anything i believe my mentality is more of a nudist than islam, but i do love modesty.

i love modesty because i believe nudism is still too radical; being nude isn't about having massive orgies all the time, it's about that naturalness that i was talking about. but for some reason everyone thinks that just because it's all hanging out, it's for the purpose of "easy access" you know what, maybe it's because you have NOTHING to be ashamed of!! why hide behind fabric when your skin is more beautiful? THAT'S the idea behind nudism. but apparently people don't get that shit. so i also support the opposite end of the spectrum. MODESTY. because i think it's a very classy way of presenting yourself. trust me, i'm not so conservative as to do full body covering, but i do think that you don't have to prance around with your titties fallin' out or your ass jiggling everywhere. that is NOT cute.

having people comment on your boobs or your ass and NOT your eyes or your smile or hey! what do you know? what about even your goddamn PERSONALITY? or even your intelligence? if you give them nothing else to look at or notice, they're only gonna notice what you put in front of them. so you either put who you really are, what you're made of and what you want people to think of you. OR you can speak "body language" and let your body do the talking. because god knows, ain't nobody listening to a goddamn word you're saying. so you, as a woman, have a choice to use your voice to do the talking, or you can let people stare at you and hopefully you can have a meaningful conversation.

"Mother Nature is bi-polar"

why, yes she is. she has two poles, a north and south :D