empty words.

i hate when i have nothing to say. because i usually do have something to say.

but when i do have something to say, i gotsta says it.

so i hate it when i want to say something, i can feel it, but then nothing comes out. i'm just blank.

what's worse is when i do come up with something of substance to say, it's usually too late. and then i'm just like...fuck.

and when it gets like that, i'm just like, "tia, just spit out some words! c'mon, just say something"

but i can't.

i guess i can't say things just to say things...i can't do..filler things in a conversation. i mean, i do the whole, "hahahaha" "lol" thing, but it's not really fillers...i'm really laughing.

i mean...i guess i prefer silence over...forced conversation.

i guess it does get kinda awkward when the conversation dies down and it's just kind of...quiet, but what's even more awkward is when you try to carry on a conversation that's obviously dead, then it's just a bunch of dead end comments. nothing serious, nothing engaging. and that to me...is worse. =]

i dunno...i don't like empty words. i mean...not every word that comes out of your mouth has to be entirely thought out and meaningful...but if you got something to say, you should say it and if you don't got anything to say...well, i guess that's ok too. even if you really do want to make conversation...=\

Defined

I love how other people think they can define me. They throw me into their own little categories and think they know me so well based on that; and when I don’t fit their definition, then they call me “fake”. I love this because, for a really long time I was unaware of this. I’ve always been true to myself, I don’t put up a front to anyone, I show more respect to some people, but overall, I’m me. And for a long time, I defined myself by someone else’s definition and standard. I looked at myself and thought, “Am I fake? Is this really me?” and only recently have I really said, “Yes, this is me. I’ve always been true to myself.” The problem isn’t me, it’s the other person. Who do they think they are defining me? Who do they think they are thinking that they know me? And who do they think they are by clumping people together? Is there only a certain amount of people in the world? If I’m not like this then am I like that?

When I discovered that the problem wasn’t me, it felt so god damn good. This has been bothering me for such a long time; I seriously thought that I was fake, that I don’t have an identity because I’m not completely like this and a little bit like that too. But I’ve always been ME. And what’s wrong with being me? Just because I don’t fit your definition of me doesn’t make ME fake, it makes YOU judgmental. And that isn’t something wrong with me, that’s something wrong with YOU. So, next time you call me fake or say something “isn’t me”, think about what it is that MAKES me; YOUR definition, or MY actions? Who do you think you are telling me who or what I am? Do you even know me, or what I’m a capable of?

Fuck sounding cliche.

Don't judge me.

Luuuurrrrrvvvvvssss

I don't get why people think puppy love or one sided love is not as strong as "real love."

Who decides when two people (or one person) are in love anyway??

Why does it take two to love?? Being loved back is great in all, but just being IN love with someone without caring whether they will love you back or not...isn't that the true definition of love itself??

Bullshit.

It's amazing how much bullshit we deal with for the ones we love.

I'm sick of lying.

Why do people mistake truth with pain and kindness with lying? Every time I say, "I wish I was nicer, or kinder" people automatically think that means that I should simply lie more. And that's not the case, you can be truthful and kind, I absolutely hate the phrase, "truth hurts" because it doesn't always have to.

For example, when someone's shirt makes them look fat, you don't have to all out say, "damn, that shirt makes you look like a cow" you can just say instead, "that shirt doesn't compliment your curves very well." And if someone's hair cut is ugly, instead of saying "damn, someone fucked up your hair, you should just shave it off" you can say, "that hair cut isn't very becoming of you, maybe you should try another style."

See? Same thing, but much nicer. I'm all about honesty but honesty doesn't mean that people can be rude or hurtful in my eyes.

So I'm really starting to wonder why DO people think that they have to lie to be nice? In the end, lying just makes the situation worse, and worst of all, lying to someone's face tends to lead to talking smack about the person behind their back. And I hate it when people are talking smack about someone, it actually makes me very uncomfortable and I usually don't like to contribute to the conversation once it makes that turn. Yeah, I admit, I do "talk smack" every once in a while, but what differentiates me from what I consider a "smack talker" is that I don't go around saying, "OMG, did you see what she was wearing today? Ew." or "OMG, he's such a man-whore, he was grinding on like everyone last night." [Ok, I might say the last one jokingly, but probably never seriously]. And that to me, is trying to force my opinion of someone to someone else, like trying to convince someone else that somebody is a jerk or something. I might be able to rant about how much I hate someone or how annoying they are, but I don't waste my time talking smack about them behind their back and being "nice" to them to their face, I usually just ignore them.

This goes back to the two faced post I made a while ago! THAT'S WHAT A TWO FACED PERSON DOES. THEY LIE. I don't think I can stress enough about how annoyed I get when I come across someone being two faced, again, I usually just don't contribute to the conversation and I don't try and carry on the conversation.

Wahhh

I love meeting new people!!

It gets me so excited! Because I never really know who this person can become!

Of course, most of the time, meeting new people is kind of awkward...and then nothing really grows out of it xP

But when you talk with someone enough, you can actually start a new friendship!! yay!

I loves making new friends! Especially with people I've known for a little while but didn't really know...you know? Because then it's like...why wasn't I your friend before?? xD

But also when you meet someone new and then you just TOTALLY click! I LOVES THAT because then you get a similar feeling but it's like a..."OMG! My life is more complete now! hehe!"

=D

I wanna meet lots of awesome peoples in my life...that'll be my life's goal! =D

Blah

Why does it feel like everyone's been studious and good students while I've been rotting my brains out??