i want to play

right now.

"it's my life"

i feel that people who say this are very selfish. because when they say this, they're completely unaware of everyone who's involved in their life.

yes, it may be your life, and ultimately you have the final decision. there may be a lot of outside pressure, but in the end, it's all you.

but that decision doesn't only affect you.

there are people in your life who probably loves you more than you love yourself (impossible to understand, but true). and some decisions you make are going to hurt these people a lot. but since they love you more than you will ever know, they'll accept your decision, for the sake of your "happiness."

but sometimes you have to ask yourself, "do i love them more than i love myself?" because if you're any kind of a human being, you have got to realize that your actions have the possibility of hurting someone you care about, and you have to decide if their happiness is more important than your own.

whose side you on anyway?

when people give me two completely different sides to a story, it confuses the hell out of me.

both parties aren't telling me the whole truth and that to me, tells me that they don't see the whole truth. they can't see their own flaws, they're too immature to sympathize for the other party.

or they just don't want me to judge them.

this is just like all of those criminal tv shows where the po-pos have to constantly go back to someone for more information (CRUCIAL information) because the dumbass didn't give all of the info.

don't you think we'd need to know that one fact in order to solve anything?? i mean come on!! i'm only gonna judge you more BECAUSE you didn't tell me the whole truth, how the hell am i supposed to trust you now??

you should be mature enough to realize what you did wrong and own up to it. sometimes you need to say it out loud in order to hear what you're doing wrong, but sometimes you have to realize you're wrong. analyze all of the things you could have done differently and see how it would have changed the situation. it takes two to argue, so own up to it before you try to get someone else to help you out. the truth will come out eventually anyway so might as well be honest at the start.

messages.

i fucking hate being the messenger.

seriously, in the time that it takes you to tell me to tell the other person; you could have already told the other person and gotten an immediate response instead of waiting for me to tell you what they person said.

talk about inefficient.

what's worse is when you get yelled at for saying "why can't you do it?" well, why CAN'T you do it? YOU'RE the one that wants to know. YOU have the same connections and YOU are the one that needs the information. it doesn't affect me, i can care less if you get the info or not.

in fact, piss me off enough and i WON'T tell you what the other person said, or i won't even ask the other person. if you want to know enough. then you can fucking ask. it's not my problem.

sleep

Katie, hi.

2. in case you forgot, your daddy and brother are both like...giants so they'll be able to take down anyone who breaks in while you call the po-po's >=]

3. OMFG. i feel ya man. seriously, if i haven't been hanging out with everyone lately, i'd really just...let my brain rot and die nowadays. but when i'm actually home and doing something productive (like helping out my family) i end up complaining lots =___=;;

and if borders doesn't hire you then screw them! you can look for another job! =D you should call them up and be like "yo man, what's the dealio with my job?" xD

4. but dun worry bout it, school in the fall means a lot of things: purpose in life is once again restored, we get to see each other ERRDAY =D, and...well, campus will be full of hot guys again >=]

5. this made me sads. =[ but dun think about that kind of stuff! just live and love while you still can!! =D and we can get a puppy together!! =D

8. LOL

9. you. are. writing. a. book. one. of. these. days. >=D

10. you can always talk to me!!! =D

11. i have no idea what you mean...but i'll be your companion!! (not exactly sure what a companion does...but i'll be a companion for ya! =D)

12. KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =[ i should bus to you randomly one of these days. it's pretty quick actually =]

i hope you're able to go sleep now! =D

forever.

Cristina, he's leaving FOREVER.

if only you can be as strong as the statements you make. keep barking, it's all you got.

what pisses me off even more...

...is that you don't even know why i'm pissed.

you just think "oh, tia's just having another one of her fits."

first of all: fuck you.

second of all: fuck your life.

and finally, i'm fucking straight up. all the time. especially when i'm angry. you don't even have to ask me "what's wrong?" i'm already telling you how it is.

the problem isn't with me voicing what's wrong, the problem is you not listening. i don't know how else to tell it like it is other then...telling it how it fucking is. so fuck you for not getting it. it's nothing deeper than what i'm saying. just fucking listen to what i'm fucking saying. there's nothing fucking complicated about it, there's nothing deeper than it. i'm just fucking irritated and i'm at the end of my fucking rope, so when i DO snap, you better start listening or i will fucking cut you.

newly found motivation!

i'll stop fucking around.

i'll stop being cheap.

i'll stop pushing stuff off until it's too late.

i'll swallow my pride when i have to.

i'll think more.

i'll think critically.

i'll think deeply.

i won't let this chance slip my fingers.

i'll learn from my mistakes.

i can't fuck up.

i won't fuck up.

i will own this. >=]

familia.

i don't know why no one believes me when i say i never want to get married or have kids. i don't just say these things, i really mean them.

i have high expectations for parents. especially mothers.

i feel that to be a good mother, you have to be more selfless than selfish. it's impossible, not to mention unhealthy, to be completely selfless; but i still feel that you should put most of the needs of your children before yourself. for example, you should make sure your toddler has finished what they're eating before you can feed yourself.

i don't think i can ever be that selfless. although i do love and care for my younger siblings and nieces and nephews, i ultimately care for my needs first then realize that i have a kid to take care of later.

i know that you have to tend yourself first sometimes so that you are fit enough to care for someone else, but i don't have anything to tend to, but i still tend to my needs first before someone else.

i can't live knowing that someone like me has a kid.

i know there are a lot of worse parents out there; and my expectations might be a little high. but i can't control what other people do. but i can control my own body and decide for myself if i want children or not.

and since i'm so stubborn with this idea, i can't live knowing that i'm keeping another person from having children. it kinda follows the same idea, i'm not selfless enough to get married. marriage is all about compromise, and there are somethings that i'm not willing to compromise, and these aren't minor things, but major things that makes or breaks relationships.

i don't think i can ever live knowing that a man i love wants children, but respects me enough to not have children. if i really do love that man, then i don't know what i would do, because i don't know if i'll love him more than i love myself, same with children.

i'm only willing to get married or have children when i know that i am willing to sacrifice myself for them. and so far, i'm only willing to do that for family.

great expectations.

your expectations are really pissing me off.

quit disappointing yourself and just fuck it sometimes.

another boys post.

"Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked at all times." -Betsy Johnson

hehe. this quote was my status for a bit. :]

so...this brings up the topic of feminism (dundunduuuun).

one of the many pet peeves i have is when people think i'm "dressing up to impress someone." it's like i can never dress up to feel good about myself, or express myself. it's like i always have to think about what other think about me. i've recently started feeling the same about plastic surgery. if i feel that i want a smaller nose, why should any one else's opinion matter? (except the doctor's...) a lot of the time...it's not for attention, but because you feel that you have the right to your own body.

i mean...seriously, i don't go buying clothes thinking, "i wonder how many compliments i can get with this dress" or anything like that. and i honestly don't think anyone does.

like cute bras. people kept saying "why buy them if no one can see them?" well...first of all, i buy the bras i do because it's for ME. they aren't..."sexy" they're more cute and awesome (like my clothes :D) and i buy them because they make ME feel good. i don't buy them so that other people can enjoy them (although if other people do, it's no problem either =])

and also with make up. guys...really don't notice stuff like that. only other girls do. so when people think that girls put on make up to impress guys...they are DEAD wrong. when a girl has make up like THIS she is most definitely NOT doing it to impress guys but kind of to show off her skills.

guilt

it's eating me up inside.

but i still can't get it out.

it hurts my heart lots.

community

you can't help a community when you think you're above it.

in fact. you can't help a community at all. you can only give back to a community.

by thinking you're "helping" already means that you think you're above the community. you start to think that without your help the community can't thrive. without you, the community is just doomed for failure. without you, the community is worthless, it can't help itself. without you, the community is nothing.

but it's quite the opposite isn't it? no matter how or where you grow up, your community affects you, but it is up to you whether to let the community affect you negatively or positively. if it affects you negatively, you give negative energy back to the community, but if it affects you positively, shouldn't you return the favor?

which is why we should all build a community that gives positive energy, so that we can give it back. it's the golden rule "treat others as you would treat yourself" (yeah, we've been talking about the golden rule a lot, i know, but i think it deserves discussion, it IS the golden rule after all =])

if you set up an environment where nothing can grow, then it doesn't grow, it dies and decays. however, it's amazing what can become from nothing. (OMFG this just made me think of another topic, but i'll get to it another day: i shall stay focused >[)

so.

i completely lost my train of thought. wow. um. wow.

ok.

even if you come from a shitty community, if you're able to make something for yourself, it is your duty to go back to your origins and GIVE BACK to your community. because most of the time, it doesn't need your help, it just needs the extra boost to help itself.

see, i think that's the fact that some people think they're so above their origins that some communities do end up essentially dying. i don't think people realize that you aren't on your own when you "pull yourself from nothing," you're never alone even when you feel like you are. if you would just take a step back and stop looking at only yourself then maybe you will realize how much that "nothing" has really helped you, even if it is just showing you what you DON'T want to be.

you OWE it to your community for shaping who you are as a person. even though it may seem like your community has not helped you, it really has. it's nothing to be ashamed of, if you really accept yourself as a human being, then you would go back to give back.

also you are never above your community because you are never above another human being. no matter how much someone has fallen, it is not your place to hover above them, but to reach down to help them back up.