familia.

i don't know why no one believes me when i say i never want to get married or have kids. i don't just say these things, i really mean them.

i have high expectations for parents. especially mothers.

i feel that to be a good mother, you have to be more selfless than selfish. it's impossible, not to mention unhealthy, to be completely selfless; but i still feel that you should put most of the needs of your children before yourself. for example, you should make sure your toddler has finished what they're eating before you can feed yourself.

i don't think i can ever be that selfless. although i do love and care for my younger siblings and nieces and nephews, i ultimately care for my needs first then realize that i have a kid to take care of later.

i know that you have to tend yourself first sometimes so that you are fit enough to care for someone else, but i don't have anything to tend to, but i still tend to my needs first before someone else.

i can't live knowing that someone like me has a kid.

i know there are a lot of worse parents out there; and my expectations might be a little high. but i can't control what other people do. but i can control my own body and decide for myself if i want children or not.

and since i'm so stubborn with this idea, i can't live knowing that i'm keeping another person from having children. it kinda follows the same idea, i'm not selfless enough to get married. marriage is all about compromise, and there are somethings that i'm not willing to compromise, and these aren't minor things, but major things that makes or breaks relationships.

i don't think i can ever live knowing that a man i love wants children, but respects me enough to not have children. if i really do love that man, then i don't know what i would do, because i don't know if i'll love him more than i love myself, same with children.

i'm only willing to get married or have children when i know that i am willing to sacrifice myself for them. and so far, i'm only willing to do that for family.