Wednesday, October 12, 2011
end of the world.
liz taylor
michael jackson
steve jobs
...countless others that i can't exactly remember right now....
good lord. god's taking back all of his gifts. we're fucked. the world really is ending.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
relationship status
like facebook relationship statuses. yeah people are in "civil unions" and are "married" and all that fun stuff. it's 'immature' i guess but you know what, it's in all good fun. and if someone was single and searching, don't you think that they'll be just a touch more aggressive in looking for a relationship than someone just looking for a good time (sexual and non-sexual :D)???
seriously. if my (non-existent) relationship life really was complicated, or if i was going through a rough patch; i sure as hell won't post that shit on facebook! i sure as hell am not gonna get into a fight with my partner on their wall or post no shit about nothing because you know what? that shit's personal. and i won't bring it up in an everyday conversation so why the hell would i advertise that shit on facebook?
i thought that people had the sense to know that if i put my relationship status as "it's complicated" to realize that i'm kinda kidding around. you know what, life is complicated, sometimes everything's not black and white. what if i was the type to have a lot of really close guy friends and a couple fuck buddies? then once having a guy that i want to have an exclusive relationship with will definitely complicate the shit out of stuff! or what if i'm simply not looking for a relationship? because that will complicate stuff too, what if someone is really ready to make a commitment to me and i just don't want that right now? feelings are complicated and not everyone who is single is looking for a relationship.
and you know what sucks even more? why CAN'T i be single? do i always need to be talking to somebody or interested in somebody? i don't go around looking for relationships and don't hit on every hot guy i see because honestly, if i could stay out of a relationship, i'd do it. ugh. i hate meddling people who think that just because i'm single means that i'm lonely and unhappy and i need somebody to complete me. no. i'm good with just me. i'm not incomplete as a person, i don't need nobody to complete me because i'm already all here. i don't need nobody to love me because i already love myself. to be honest, if i'm single for the rest of my life i think i will still live a very fulfilling life. but no. apparently not. i need a wingman or a matchmaker to set me up with some hot guys; i need to go out to the clubs and bring home somebody, even if it's for the night; i need to go out there and find my freaking soulmate or something.
and i don't. i'm perfectly happy being "by myself" i'm perfectly happy not being in a relationship so thank you very much.
now back to the topic of facebook relationship statuses.
if you go look at my profile, i took off my relationship status because...you know what, i don't want to deal with that shit anymore. i don't want people to think that i'm looking for a relationship just because it says i'm single, i don't want people to think that i'm in a bad relationship because it says "it's complicated" i don't want people to think i'm immature because i'm in a civil union with one of my girlfriends.
so simply put, i don't want to be identified by my relationship status, i want to be seen for who i really am and that's just me. even if i had a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, multiple partners or whatever, i don't want them to be seen as something that defines me because they don't. i mean, why do people judge you so much on who you're dating anyway? they don't judge you on your friends or family as much (even though they do still judge you based on those relationships too...) as who you're dating. like...why does it matter? you can't help who your family is, you can't help who you fall in love with. if we could control who we fall in love with, then i'd be in love with someone totally legit amazing. i mean, if we could choose who we fall in love with then nobody would be gay because they can choose to fall in love with the "appropriate" gender. and nobody would marry assholes because they would choose the nice guy.
ok, so we went off on a tangent, as always. but anyway what i'm trying to say is...people need to get a sense of humor again.
Monday, July 4, 2011
"don't take this the wrong way"
and how is "you look like a princess" an insult??? o.o
i'm so confused.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
happy birthday to you~
and i remember i was a little offended by that because i felt that...why are birthdays celebrated on the same level as a gradation? you work hard as hell to graduate, at almost every level, but on a birthday you just survive another year. at first, i saw it as almost a slap to the face.
however, i thought about it some more. and then i realized that...surviving is HARD. and you have to endure and survive in order to get your degree.
and i thought about it even more. and then i realized that everyday, we face millions of things that can potentially kill us. not eventually, but immediately. it's amazing how we even live through the night.
and after even further thinking. i realized that life is extremely precious, and deserves celebration. and that it is an accomplishment to remain alive, to take our first gift and still utilize it the best we can.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
it really shouldn't bother me
lyrics from neyo's "let go"
and this is how i feel about freakin' ugh everything.
i hate being on my period. everything annoys me. EVERYTHING.
and i always want to eat. all the time. ugh. i want to eat right now.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
life. hate. now.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
no offense!
modest mouse > lupe fiasco ALL DAY
Sunday, May 1, 2011
without a doubt
maybe i could have done more. maybe.
but i did what i could, and that should have been enough.
i doubted myself a lot, maybe i could have cared more, shared more, gave more, but i cared, shared and gave what i did. and i don't regret giving the effort i did.
i do admit, it's kinda sad seeing us going the same direction but not together. but our paths have forked and even though it appears that we are going the same way now, our destinations are meant to be different. and i guess it's a good thing that we split when we did, not earlier, not later.
Friday, April 29, 2011
yet another guys post.
dudes.
fellas.
they're such distractions aren't they? it's like...i know what i have to do, but you're making it a little hard to do what i gotta do. always gettin' in the way. right when i get my head on straight you knock it out of place. right when i commit to something, you make me commit to something else.
gosh. i fucking hate guys.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
fucking japanese reading.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
challenges for tomorrow
2. don't go hahhaa or lol or any variation
3. don't update status.
4. don't die.
if the world's going to be so goddamn small...
Sunday, April 24, 2011
imu
and the "u" is for "us"
i mean, i miss you too, but...you're still here. and i'm still here. but we are not here. i miss us.
time is a bitch.
oh baby he's so cruel, but i'm still in love with judas baby
i've learned love is a brick; you can build a house or sink a body.
though i've let go of the brick that's sinking me, i still have to teach myself to swim to the surface again. but hey, you're not holding me down anymore. the final ties have been finally cut. and thanks so much for making it so easy for me.
it's so rare to see you so cold but thank you for being excessively brutal at the right time. i don't think i could have been able to handle it any other way. i don't never feel like we vibin' because every time we're alone, it's an awkward silence (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RUSRxTpI80).
5 minutes. that's all it took. for me to finally be completely free from you. to finally see clearly what i couldn't before and to finally just...get you. i'm sorry that i couldn't understand you earlier. but i finally understand you now. if you want me out, then i'm on my way (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xodmwwNV18w). but thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK8Ri0COF1w).
Friday, April 22, 2011
strangers again...
by the way, GREAT video. i have always loved phil. ah...phil....
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
i'm not over it.
i mistook a typo for his name and...my heart skipped. then i was disappointed when it wasn't him.
=___________________________=
i have issues that i really need to sort out.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
why is it...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
this dumb bitch
Friday, April 8, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
reeeeevenge!!!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
o.o
this is rather disturbing.
i want to test this out.
cryfest?? if i cry, i have feelings????????????????
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm wayyyyy too happy for this..................................
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my heart blew up a little. just a little.
god. i'm so freakin' emotional right now. that's it, only 3 cans of soda before 7 now.
i just realized...
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
hypocrites.
it's like...when they're bitchin' and moanin' and complainin' sometimes i'm like "omg, who told you i thought that bout you???" but then they're really talking about someone else?? HAHA
it's quite sad really, how delusional people are about themselves. they think so highly of themselves and judge others so quickly and strongly when really, they're almost exactly the same.
and it's hilarious when someone bitches about someone else so horribly behind their backs and act super friendly to their face! it's like...wow...thank you. say it on facebook because you don't have the balls to say it to my face. thank you so much. now the world can see you for who you are, and i don't have to say shit.
ah. see. that's why i love hypocrites so much. they really take the workload off of you. they're so lost in their own illusions that they don't realize that they're not fooling anyone and that everyone can see just exactly who they are.
i ain't even gotta say shit to nobody about anything because actions speak louder than words and you're out there baby. :D i don't know who you're frontin', but it's not working because we see right past you...in fact, you're invisible. you scream all you want because no one's listening. you talk all the shit you want but, we all eat our words, so at least make sure it's sweet. :]
Monday, March 28, 2011
today...
it started off kinda weird and a little rocky. but...for some reason, given the events of today, i don't feel as...stressed.
i don't know why, but for some reason i'm not freaking out over anything, i'm not overwhelmed by anything and i sure as hell do not feel under pressure about anything!
it's so weird...it's like...really nice. i'm like...just...freeeeee
Sunday, March 27, 2011
control.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
oh. hell. naw.
"oh, tia done gone and got her heart broke. poor girl."
let me tell you something. i'm not the fucking victim; i'm the bad guy.
i'm not afraid to get hurt, i'm not afraid to care and i'm not afraid to get beat up so bad that i can't stand straight; i'll still get up and do it all over again if i can.
i never slipped, i never got my guard down, and yes, i still did get hurt but i never crumbled; i came back stronger.
i am aware of who i am. no matter who tells me otherwise, my image of myself does not change. i was never manipulated, i was never wooed and i sure as hell was never blinded. i saw it from the start, i shied away from it because i wanted to fall, i wanted to feel and most of all, i wanted to forget.
but none of that ever happened, eventually the drunken illusion lifted and i realized that this was all a big waste of time. it was all caused by me, it was all created by me; so the fault is all mine. and because i accept that, i was able to get past this.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
fate
i think everything happens for a reason.
you may not realize it right now, but there's a reason why you meet the people you do, why you have the relationships you have and why things happen the way they do. for a while i followed the "forget the people from your past, there's a reason why they're not in your future" ideology but...now that i think of it, that's not the full truth.
there's a lot of decisions you're going to make in life that you'll regret, but what you should never regret is actually making that decision. because what you regret isn't making the decision, it's the events that follow. but at the time, even if i know the outcome..i'll probably still go through with it. i'll just be cautious.
i feel that if something was meant to happen, then it will happen. and if it isn't supposed to happen, then it never would have. i feel that it's chance that we meet the people we do, but we develop the relationships we do because it's supposed to help us become better people, make us stronger individuals and teach us lessons. i don't regret any relationships that i've ever been in because i come out of them learning something more about myself. i become more in tune with who i am and what i am capable of and because of that, i want to thank everyone who has come into my life, whether they stayed a part of it or not, they have made an impact on who i am today and i am forever grateful that you have helped me grow.
whichever path i'm supposed to be on, whoever i'm supposed to meet, and whatever i'm supposed to do, i'm not sure if i'm exactly ready for it, but all i know is that i'll take it as it is.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
one last one for you
and sorry i burdened you
and sorry i lied
and sorry i expected so much out of you
and sorry i blamed you for my own problems
and sorry i wasn't what you expected
and sorry for demeaning you
and sorry for humiliating you
and sorry for embarrassing you
and sorry my laptop doesn't work right
and sorry for offending you
and sorry for insulting you
and sorry for leading you on
and sorry for hurting you, if i ever did
and sorry for distracting you
and sorry for not giving you what you want
and sorry for ignoring you
and finally, thanks. for everything.
vaya con dios, mi amor.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
now that i think of it...
Monday, March 14, 2011
if i had a star...
thank god for artificial lights.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
sigh.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
imaginary tattoos
but what i hate is when people who are against tattoos say "imagine what it'll look like when you're like 80"
honestly? think that's gonna stop me? i'm gonna be a BADASS grandma with a boa constrictor devouring a dragon tattoo all the way down my back (that's right, a snake eating a dragon.) maybe having a tramp stamp won't be the best idea...but honestly, even if you were a hot 20 year old, it doesn't look all that good...just makes you a wee bit trashy.
and you know what? imagine your face, or your boobs, or your ass, or your arms even when you're 80, they're going to be saggy, wrinkly and they gonna stank. but y'know what, no one's amputating their arms or legs or ripping their skin off; so why y'all gotta hate on tats for? shooo.
on a weird segway, i love henna. because it's more permanent than markers but not as permanent as tattoos! it's just awesome! xD and it just looks cool!! I WANT HENNA.
Monday, February 28, 2011
geez.
but the most annoying thing, is when they don't even see me as myself anymore it's always "you and your bf" "you and your bf" "you and your bf" what, am i not invited if he doesn't come along? shit. sorry bout that, but i still have a life of my own. fuck.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
hm.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
100 things i like!
1. i like you!
2. i like cupcakes.
3. i like red velvet cheesecake
4. i like cheesecake ice cream
5. i like sudoku
6. i don't like japanese. but i like it too
7. i like to paint
8. i like to draw
9. i like charcoal
10. i like mixing paints!
11. i like to read
12. i like to listen to music
13. i like to eat
14. i like eating good food!
15. i like eating out
16. i like spicy food
17. I LOVE SAM
18. i love all my nieces and nephews actually, i just really miss holding sam right now
19. aww, i miss hugging titus
20. i miss hugging tyra too
21. i miss trinityyyyy
22. oh, this changed didn't it. well yeah. i like my babies. all of them
23. i miss and love my grandma
24. i like peter
25. i like darell
26. i love eric
27. i like jokes!
28. i like to laugh
29. i like my new smile
30. i like my goofy smile
31. i like long showers
32. i like long naps
33. i love to sleep
34. i like pepsi
35. i like soda in general actually
36. i love children's movies. especially from my own childhood.
37. I. LOVE. WALL-E. he's my ideal boyfriend.
38. i like singing/screaming at the top of my lungs
39. i like my sisters
40. i like my brothers
41. i like my parents
42. i like my friends! <3 y'all
43. i like my ta's, they're all always super nice
44. i like to play jokes :D
45. i like chatting
46. i like when people initiate chats, it doesn't matter who they are or what they want to talk about :D
47. i like meeting new people!
48. i like catching up with people!
49. i like my people!!!!!!!!!!!!
50. i like sleeping with sam
51. i like max and chikom's conversations
52. i like talking to max
53. i like talking to chikom
54. i love conversations with my grandma
55. i like laughing until i cry
56. i like to read. books, blogs, magazine articles, facebook pages. the only thing i probably don't like reading is...class readings...
57. i like late night talks
58. i like waking up in the morning feeling like a ray of sunshine
59. i like that feeling when you feel shitty and you go to sleep and you wake up feeling like a million bucks~
60. i love to play tetris
61. i love games in general. even the ones i'm not good at :D
62. i like meat.
63. i like veggies too.
64. i like...foodlike substances...
65. i like chocolate. the darker the chocolate, the richer the taste!
66. i love it when my grandma comes over
67. i love it when sam and max come over
68. i love it when titus, trinity and tyra come over
69. i love it when my whole entire family is together
70. i love that feeling of completeness when everyone i lurves is together and just for a few hours, the world makes sense
71. even though i don't like doing homework, i like getting homework done
72. i like eskimo kisses
73. i like butterfly kisses
74. i like snuggling with my favorite person, sam!!!!
75. i like shopping for baby clothes!!!
76. i like shopping for baby shoes!!!!!!!!!!
77. i love how i can find clothes that fit me in the children's section! i guess this means that my tastes are very childish and immature...but fuck it, it's cheap :D
78. i like pancakes
79. i like waffles
80. i like waffle wednesday
81. i love us.
82. i love hugs!!!
83. i like texting
84. i like getting excited!
85. i like getting scared!!!!!!!!!!!!
86. i love awesome surprises!
87. i love surprising people!!!!!!!!!!!!
88. i love making the people i love feel loved <3
89. i love music
90. i loveloveloves my grandma. i love her smile. i love her stories. i love how she tells her stories. i love her great cooking. i love her company. i love...everything about her.
91. i love when people get me
92. i love photoshop
93. i like facebook!
94. i love blogging~
95. i like free food!!
96. i like to creep on people!
97. i love when people offer to go downstairs with me!
98. i love getting carried! piggy back rides, getting picked up and moved to the side because i'm in the way...all that good stuffs
99. i like my passwords
100. i like that i'm finally done with this!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG it actually took a while to finish this...it's hard to think of things you like...finding things you hate or dislike is much much easier. :D
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
love and trust
Saturday, February 12, 2011
yep. it was for you.
okok, this was for you, but i clicked "publish" instead of "save" and it wasn't done yet. so yeah. sorry bout that. little sneak preview, that's all. but, here it is:
i don't think this is going to fit on a valentine's day card.
but you keep saying i should write about more interesting stuff, so i'll write about your favorite subject. you.*
*that is a link. click on it.
DISCLAIMER: um...ladies, i don't think you'll enjoy this post very much, sorry bout that. maybe it's best if you don't read this at all :D
ok, back to you.
remember that one conversation when we were talking about "why me?" and like...somehow you were able to come up with some pretty awesome, legit reasons for why you're with me and i couldn't come up with reasons why i'm with you? well, i've been thinking about it (a LOT) and here are some reasons why i keep ya around.
no matter how offensive, tasteless and degrading your jokes are, they always manage to make me laugh.
you're extremely considerate
you talk a LOT. but i feel that we talk about things that i wouldn't talk to anyone else about. and i really enjoy our conversations.
ok. this is probably the thing i love most about you, and it will probably the the one characteristic of you that i'll continue to respect you for after you leave me for a white girl. you're... unbelievably kind and understanding. almost to the point where you make mother teresa look like a bitch. almost.
you make me feel pretty. that sounds very arrogant and self centered. but really, you make me feel pretty and i really appreciate that. you even make me feel pretty with no teeth. that's pretty awesome.
i like how our smiles match. matched. will match again. :D
you let me set the pace. even though you walk really really fast, you slow down for me. and i'll try to walk faster in the future...but i'm not making any promises.
also, with that, you're really patient.
you're so weird and hilariously awkward. i loves it.
you like the way i talk. you're probably the only person in the whole entire world who does. =]
ok. i admit it. i like your hugs.
i like how much you let me get away with. i keep pushing your buttons and you still don't hate me for it.
i also love how you keep your cool. even if you're annoyed or irritated, you still keep your head in line.
you're brutally honest, even though your opinions don't matter sometimes, you still voice them.
and with that, i like how you don't shove your ideas and views down people's throats and understand that some people just don't give a shit about stuff. :]
i like how much you like cats. honestly, the title of your cat post reminds me of lady gaga's "boys, boys, boys" just the title though. haha
i like...how you get me. i dunno, i feel like you get me in a way that no one else does and...i dunno. it's pretty cool.
i loves how adorable you are.
i like how you can get along with just about anyone. you can just start talking to a random person like you've known them forever.
you take criticism really well. no matter how brutal.
i like how you smell
i like how open you are about pretty much everything.
so. be my valentine?